Friday, October 29, 2010

Vintage Travel Posters

When I was younger, my only dream was to travel around the world. I had delusions of being some sort of wandering free spirit that didn't wear shoes and said "right on, man" and smoked from hookahs and had run ins with foreign police. I'd be a cross between Dean Moriarty and Sissy Hankshaw, and I'd be on the road. Just GOING, ya dig?

Turns out that's crazy talk. I'm way too simple for those sort of adventures. I would probably explode. I quite literally had a dream last night that I was in an elevator. And that was it. Just being in an elevator. So my dreams have changed a little bit. I've lowered my expectations a tad.

UNLESS we're talking about time travel. THAT I would be all over. I love the big ol' stupid internet, and sure it makes things easy, but it really takes away the romance and mystery of travel. Places just don't really seem exotic anymore. I want to live and travel in Hemingway's Africa, in Kahlo's Mexico, in Glassco's Paris, in Neruda's Chile. In their times. When pianos bars were smoky and filled with jazz and blues and the air of revolt! When the early morning streets were dirty and dusty and filled with songs fueled by tequila! When the air was filled with voices and language and laughter and secrets!

These posters take me there. To that time, to those places, to that magic. (All images from grain edit)

I can not believe people actually shoot animals. Come on. Watch some Disney movies. Side note: I almost got hit with a piece of a toilet bowl at a football game in Argentina. Another note: I did get hit with a frozen fish at a hockey game in Canada. I know what it's like to be a target. 

I love this. TABLES TURNED. Nowadays I've heard of radioactive boars being on the rise around there, which probably makes hunting a lot more interesting. And more radioactive too.

I went to Switzerland and had a cheese fondue, and it totally makes sense that they advertise cheese as a reason to visit. DEE-licious. Second reason to visit: cows wearing bells on their necks.

I would definitely go to Finland if I got to go there by way of flying fish plane. Maybe even in a regular plane.

I want to go to Africa so bad, but I sort of die in the heat. Also, a lot of what I know about Africa comes from those commercials about foster kids, and I really don't like the idea of flies crawling all over my face. The other bit I know about Africa comes from the Simpsons episode where they win a trip there.  "I want to ride in a convertible with zebras, punch out Mohammad Ali, shoot a lion in the face..."

I love Paris, even though there's lots of dog poop. The bums drink wine out of paper bags in the streets! You know what's in the paper bags here? Glue and syphillis and a world of broken dreams.


  1. I know exactly what you mean. I don't want the modern version of exotic places, I want the over-romanticized version from literature and paintings. I love Paris, too. Even though a was groped on the street. Beautiful posters!

  2. I'd like to visit Mars. Before it gets spoiled, you know, like with the first Starbucks and McDonalds and stuff.

  3. Those are awesome!

    I wanted to let you know that I passed the Versatile Blogger award on to you. Check it out:

  4. Oh. my. goodness! These posters have seriously made my day. They are just brilliant...can't pick a fave though!

  5. you are a brilliant writer and hilarious to boot! i hope you do travel so you will come back and recount your stories!

  6. thank you for this post. i badly needed some laughs this morning.

    ps - there were some seriously gibungous boars in the part of germany i lived in (pretty close to the polish border). a friends tour bus hit 3 of them.
    it was a massacre.
    totalled the enormous tour bus.

    true story.


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