Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Big Balloons

Oh my! I could lift up so many things with those balloons! Like me! Holding some bananas!

"Setting a new world record for the largest balloon cluster flight ever attempted, the entire aircraft from top to bottom was a whopping 10-stories high, made it to an alititude of 10,000 feet, and flew for about an hour."

Crazy? Also, did you know that the world is running out of helium? And that most of the world's helium comes for an area around Amarillo, Texas? Wow, huh? You can read an article here about it, but I'll sum it up for you because it's very technical and sciencey and has lots of words, and really, who has time for that.

So, some science dudes were all like "hey, there's this awesome isotope called helium-3 that's missing a neutron, but it's super rare. But it could be a fuel for a form of nuclear fusion that could take us to frickin' NEPTUNE, man! Neptune!" So in the 60's the U.S. government realized that helium was a handy little guy to have around so they stockpiled a shitload of it underground. Now for some unexplained reason they don't want the helium anymore, which sounds bananas to me, but I'm sure there's some sort of conspiracy going on that involves Tom Hanks. So they're selling off their bunker of helium to just anyone and think it will be all gone in 10-25 years, with the entire stupid earth being virtually helium-free by the end of the century. What sort of planet would that be, with no helium? Sounds like a pretty stupid one, if you ask me, with no floating houses or anything. But anyways, there's a bunch of helium on the moon and some planets and stuff, so we just have to get there to get it. Which is totally worth it for party balloons. Totally.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Would You Rather...

...Be a half human/half octopus, with the upper body and head of a human and the lower tentacles of an octopus BUT you would always be really thirsty and you were only allowed on land for 1 hour each day and you couldn't ride a bicycle


...Be a robot that scooted around on wheels and could go really fast and speak every language in the world and you'd always win at Jeopardy and you'd never be itchy BUT you could only eat food that starts with the letter "R" and your only friend is a mean snake that always makes you clean his toilet?

My Thoughts:

I like the octopus bit of the first option and I'm usually thirsty anyways, but I do love bicycles. Although I am pretty frightened of all those crazy creatures in the sea so I would live a life of constant fear. And I wasn't liking the food restrictions of the second option one bit until I realized that "Reese Peanut Butter Cups" would be in, and I think I could eat those A LOT. I also love raspberries, and they're in too so I think I could handle the "R" foods bit. And I  hate being itchy and I'm pretty bad at languages, so those are two big bonuses for robot. Hmm...

My Answer:

Octopus. I'm not too attached to my legs and I like the idea of being a sea creature.

(Check out this octopus with a human head. Um, that's NOT the kind of octopus creature I want to be. I'm way bigger and more jolly looking in my imagination)

What would you rather be?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Word Verification Prohibition

Today I had one where the word was uraretard (u r a retard). I thought "Yes. Yes I am. For typing into a word verification box." They're so dumb and pointless and they waste my precious precious time when I could be doing a million other productive things. Such as:

Texting my friends complaining about hangovers
Reading gossip about Taylor's lips from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (she's so stupid)
Pointing out bugs to my cats so they can eat them up!

Thinking about chocolate bars and eating them
Watching television programs about men in Alaska and their glory hole
Looking for garbage on craigslist and trying to convince Duncan we need 4 vintage suitcases and an old door

See? I don't have time to verify WORDS. They're never even real words. It bugs me so much! So myself and the lovely Krystal over at Village said "SCREW YOU" to word verification and we're starting up a word verification prohibition!

Here's a button if you're in (with the cool kids)

Otherwise, so long chummmmmmmmmmm......puh!

(I'll still read your blogs, but I'll mutter curse words under my breath and maybe pound my desk with my fists, sort of a like a chimp. It's not pretty)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Toms Shoes

Toms Shoes

I really want a pair, but haven't tried any on and I'm baffled by all the options. Since I have big feet, I try to stay away from red (Ronald McDonald) or yellow (Big Bird), even though I really like the red ones! I'm seriously like Side Show Bob feet though. What to do!

They even have a wedding section! (I will totally wear these for a wedding). It also doesn't hurt that with every pair you buy they'll buy a pair of shoes for a child in need. They remind me of the old dock shoes I used to have as a kid that I wore until they literally FELL off of my feet. It's true. I was running around at this Harbour Festival in a town near our cottage and my foot went completely through my shoe and I fell down and did an awkward Chris Farley sort of tumble and was all "SON OF A....".

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Ya bunch of drunks! Do people actually celebrate this holiday without drinking? I don't think so.

I drank so much when I was in Ireland. It's hard not to, really. And rude. Don't be rude!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Penises of Bhutan

Hmm. How interesting? Apparently some lama either hit some demon on the head with his penis, or he shoved it in his mouth and suffocated him with it! Well. Ok. So people would paint penises on their houses. Oh. Yes. I see. So when do the pills and weird druggy plants full of delicious toxins kick in? Where's that part of the story? It's missing.

Wonder a Day
Oh, Bhutan! Is this why you guys are so happy? Because you see penises everywhere, and it's sort of funny? I like this idea! But maybe we can replace penises with other happy things like koala bears and mittens and peonies and Godzilla? Fun stuff!

Monday, March 14, 2011


I'm always amazed by the crazy sketches people do over at Odosketch


Why the hell are people so talented and why don't I have any sort of special talents? My nose is especially runny all the time but I haven't found ONE ideal use for that gift. Not one.

LIFE'S NOT FAIR. Where's Oprah when you need her?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Get This!

Yesterday in a torturous boot camp class I went to, I discovered that my bum could pretty much use some sort of bra for support. What was with all the jumping? Anyways, it could be called a brum.

“Really? Really? You’re really laying is on me now? Can’t this wait until the pills kick in?” - Hungover Owls  
Now for things of interest (to my pitiful mind, anyways) around the big ol' internet:

Incredible dog stories that make me want to scold my cats just a little bit, for never jumping in the line of fire or basically anything really useful or heroic. (Damn you! You intelligent, selfish animals you!)

A funny letter posing the question buttocks or crotch? My answer is buttocks.

Sushi candy! Indeed!

I need to put some pom poms on some cocktail napkins and also put some bricks on a ceiling. Gorgeous!

Tiger kills lion in a Turkish zoo. Now, I'm not saying this zoo isn't safe, but if a LION can be taken out I don't really think I stand much of a chance of survival. A LION! That little turn of events would have made Madagascar a whole other kind of movie.

Spent a little time at work honing up on my Rock Paper Scissors skills. Turns out when I've had a few drinks I'm terrible at this game (even though I'm 10 seconds behind everyone). "Poor predictable Bart. Always picks rock"... "Good ol' rock! Nothing beats that!". My brain is kind of like that.

A cute and sad little comic about Reindeer left to their own devices.

Yemen? Ya man! (Yes, that's terrible, I know). But who knew I wanted to go to Yemen? I didn't know that!

Finally, this will be the absolutely cutest thing you have ever seen and you'll instantly become obsessed with having a slow loris as a little desktop friend that holds his little umbrella and looks up at you with his massive eyeballs, and then maybe hands you a pencil or a candy and you say "thanks, slow loris!" and you just know you'll be best friends forever. BUT NO. People hunt them for their large eyeballs so they're on that terrible endangered list and maybe this would be the last slow loris to ever even hold a tiny umbrella. And that would be the worst tragedy to hit mankind. THE WORST. Yes, even worse than you, current Japanese earthquake, and you seem pretty BAD ASS. Poor Japan.

Later, boners.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Goddammit why can't I have a horse like that? Or look like that on a horse? Also, I don't like wearing shoes either. This woman has my life, obviously.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Stuff No One Told Me

Have you seen this blog Stuff No One Told Me? Man, I wish I could draw. And think funny and interesting little sayings up. Like "If your cat like to throw up on the floor, don't leave your shoes lying around" or "If you lose something, check Starbucks" or "Check expiry dates often. The answer will often surprise and terrify you".

Slow is the New Fast
Porn and Disney
Work Slowly
I always do, son. I always do. Hey, remember that Seinfeld where George just asks annoyed and frustrated when anyone in the office asks him to do any work? It totally works.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Get This!

I've got nothing today! I'm going to have to start making stuff up. Uh oh.

The Best Picture On the Internet

 Anyways, here's what got a big old gold star in my Google Reader this week, and also in my mind.

An extremely cute engagement video. Gawd, I hate them so much. Couples happily in love! Oh wait. My boyfriend reads this.

Mudskipper: fish that lives mostly on land. Get the eff out. I'm pretty sure that means people could be living under the sea anytime now. Any... time...

Amazing Google Street View images. I wish I could spend all day looking through Google Street view for amazing things. Actually, that doesn't sound too fun.

Breast milk ice cream? Well, now the possibilities are endless. Fettucine alfredo? Cheese?

Alphabattle! I realized "d" is a pretty passive letter. Goddammit "d", let's kick some ass!

Hope everyone has a good weekend! I made a deal with Duncan to stop watching reality tv for a little while, so I'm gonna jam as much shitty television into my weekend as possible before this whole "lent" thing.


Thursday, March 3, 2011


Love this minimalist muppets print from Eric Slager

Goddam, those muppets are funny little people. Fozzie Bear was my favourite when I was little, and I think he's a newer one but I love Pepe the King Prawn too. And the old men (who I learned today were called Waldorf and Statler) were funny with their pantomime-esque jokes in the balcony.

Who was your favourite muppet?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Bad Ass Jewelry

I feel like I'm lacking in some bad ass jewelry. I can't quite pull off the pretty, dainty, little feminine pieces because of my mammoth hands and just overall appearance (it just doesn't work), but I'm loving some of these pieces, all found on Bona Drag.

Aesa Abracadabra Pendant
Made Her Think Silver Hex Ring

All For The Mountain Mothership Ring
Iosselliani Eagle Earrings

Why do you need money to buy things? Who invented that system of trade? How about I trade you a pumpkin and a life lesson for those earrings? Deal. (The life lesson is "don't trade your goods for pumpkins, unless it's for a bigger pumpkin")

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Weather Up (Brooklyn)

I just want to make sure I don't forget the name of this amazing neighbourhood bar we went to in Brooklyn called Weather Up. It doesn't have a sign on the outside (or maybe anywhere?) so for a simpleton like me it's very confusing.

I loved the white subway tiles outside and in, and the cocktails the suspender-wearing bartender mixed up were the most delicious tasting things ever.