Friday, December 3, 2010

Get This!

I got a ticket for not wearing a bike helmet. What a bunch of fascists.

I think the government is in cahoots with helmet manufacturers, just like they are with Big Tobacco and all those other evil corporations. Obviously the Big Helmet guys have way better lobbyists because so many people buy into this idea of helmets being safer, but some studies show that's just not true. There's a major government cover-up here, man. And I just became a victim. I'm always a victim. Like the time I was in the express line at the supermarket and the guy in front of me had a cartload of groceries and he's like "oh sorry, didn't realize it was an express lane" as he's unloading all his crap, and I'm standing there holding my foil balloon thinking "why did I line up behind this moron?". But then I realized I was the moron for standing behind him. See there I was a victim of my own stupidity. And it hurt.

Aqua Velvet Retro Graphica - Mid-Century Album Covers

Oh well. La di da. It's Friday, bitches! Here's the nonsense I've been filling my head with:

Facebook involved in 1 out of 5 divorce cases.WTF and LOL. Check out these facebook sneakers too. I'd divorce someone if they wore those.

A letter from a little girl urging Abe Lincoln to grow a beard. "All the ladies like whiskers". True dat, little girl.

I would love to make this pretty wine bottle light thing, but the chance of me severely injuring myself drilling a hole through glass is pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay good.

400, 000 square feet, 50-person cinema, multiple swimming pools, ballroom, staff of 600, $200,000 monthly electric bill. Who are you? Mr. Burns? Do you have albino rhino slippers too?

Because of all those chuckleheads that needed to feel like they made something, I now need to add fresh eggs, milk and oil when I bake cakes using cake mixes. Kidding! I don't bake, silly!

Avoiding your father right now? You're probably fertile and want to screw him.

I'm kinda glad this week is over. I'm pooped. But then another one is just gonna start again next week. The weeks just keep coming and coming and they don't stop. Just like the mail. Except my mail. I don't seem to get any. Unless you count "current occupant".

Have a slappy, happy weekend!

3 comments:

  1. you always manage to dredge up the most interestingly bizarre items for the interwebs. i am truly impressed.

    ps - i always knew bookface would be the downfall of civilization.

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  2. I would totally hurt myself drilling a wine bottle, too?! Can't we just find a wine bottle with a larger opening for the lights to go in the top? =)

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  3. And you thought i was random, your more fucked up than i remember.

    Are you raising the bar for me, even though i'm getting much fitter, i think it might be pushing it to get to that level, only cos i LOVE IT.

    Keep it up, yea crazy!!!

    Kieran

    p.s.

    'Bitches', what a cracker!!!

    ReplyDelete

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