Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Mismanaging Myself

I wore a dress today that has buttons down the front. Sometime throughout the day a button fell off. So I showed some upper stomach skin for an unknown amount of time. I also quite regularly have poppy seeds in my teeth. I don't even know where they come from, but somehow those little seeds sneak into my mouth! What I'm trying to say is, I'm a bit of a mess. I set out wanting to look put together and polished, like this:

But then I end up looking more like this:

The monster/bear seems drastic, but it's kind of accurate. Hairy, baggy eyes, fuzzy ears, stubby hand/arms... it's all there. (I actually don't think I have stubby hand/arms but I DO think that my arms sort of flop down in front of my body, and not really to the sides like normal people)

Anyways, so today was my effort at wearing a dress, pretending to be a functioning adult, and I go and pop a button and don't notice for what may have been an entire day. I also probably flashed a bunch of pedestrians and the guy that lives out of his van in the park when I was riding my bike with a dress. I NEED A LIFE COACH. Better yet, get me in the Starting Over House.

Here's what I need to work on:

Wash my face each night ESPECIALLY if I've worn makeup that day. Smoky eyes does not mean next-day mascara eyes (although that actually does work sort of well for a subtle effect)

Stop keeping my clothes and etc. in a pile on the floor. The answer to "where is...?" should never be "in my pile".

Keep buying junk on craigslist. Bowling pin ashtrays and broken projectors are awesome.

Check myself in a mirror after eating a meal with seeds, pepper, spinach... basically anything that is not tooth-coloured.

Keep my chin hairs at bay! Disgraceful. I remind myself of Teen Wolf.

Stop drafting imaginary letters to Olivia Palermo. She is not going to read them or agree that she's "pretty mean". That girl is such a phony! I hate phonies, just like Holden Caulfield and Lisa Simpson, and Olivia is the worst phony of them all. I hope Joe Zee fires her. Vote Quimby.

Keep quoting Simpsons religiously. Everyone loves it and it makes me seem pop-culture smart and not like I just watch the Simpsons almost nightly when I have trouble sleeping. I find it soothing. What?

Also, here's a video I enjoy. This is kind of how I would want to think I look riding my bike all girly like, and not like some sort of drunken-looking demon as I would suspect I do.


  1. :) I'm a mess too! My husband is forever telling me I have something in my teeth (shrug)

  2. I'm not sure what this says about me...but I think the monster kat/bear thing is way more awesome than the girl in the dress :P

  3. I bet nobody noticed!

    It is annoying though when you make the effort to get dressed up and the silly buttons fall off, sue the manufacturer I say (JK)

    Have a wonderful weekend, T. :)

  4. I don't know dude, that little fur ball is pretty darn cute. I wouldn't mind look like him.

    I had a similar dress experience recently. It happened while I was climbing a fence trying to rescue my cat in a tree. I wrote about it. You can laugh at me and feel better that it was only your stomach showing.

  5. My sisters ex-gf once walked all the way down Commercial Drive with her fly WIDE open... and commando. I would die.


  6. I'm your new follower, come & visit!

  7. Hey, your blog is fun! I enjoyed it. I live in fear of things between my teeth at work, have learned to smile (?) with my lips closed. I've been afraid to see how that looks! Chris

  8. Hey, love your blog(am following you now), but really LOVE your profile description! Thanks for stopping by my little blog,
    And keep on writing!

  9. Oh, by the way, the quote was from Coehlo's 'Witch of Portobello', while it's not quite the 'Alchemist', it's wonderfully delightful, I'd recommend it!

  10. Loved this post... Thanks for the good laugh :)

  11. Why is there always one chin hair that grows super long before you even notice it's there? Then you think, "Crap, how many people have seen that?!"


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