Holy Crow!

This is incredible and terrifying. It made me google "people killed by crows" in case I ever come across this in my everyday life. Apparently no one has been killed by crows. OR LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT.

via National Geographic

I can't decide what sort of animal attack would be best or worst. Here are the possibilities I'm considering:

a) Millions of crows. I actually don't think this seems to bad because it would be so frenzied and loud, like you were in a tornado of crows. Also, I don't know if this is how it works (when you're murdered by crows) but I like to think that there's so many of them they'll each just pick away a little bit of you and carry you off to far off lands and you'll be scattered all over the Earth. It's sort of romantic.

b) Thousands of Piranhas. I don't like this idea one bit. It doesn't seem fun or romantic and I think little fish shouldn't have teeth like that. If you're a fish and have teeth you should be a big shark, so that everyone knows you're scary.

c) Polar Bear. I thought this would be sort of ok, but then I stumbled upon photos from a polar bear attack. Let me just warn you that he was basically scalped and I can see through his ankle. I can see a lot. But I still sort of feel badly for polar bears because of how they're all drowning from global warming melting all their ice floes they sit on and have little nice parties with narwhals and seals. I'm pretty sure that was what Al Gore was saying when he was on Oprah.

d) Lion. No problem. I think he'd only kill me from suffocation due to cuddling too much. I can take that.

e) Moose. I've never seen a moose with antlers in real life, and it's something I really, really want to see. I've seen a moose with no antlers and it was o.k. I guess, but I want to see some antlers, dammit! So if a moose is gonna attack me, he better make sure he has his antlers on, or I'm gonna be pissed.

f) Elephant. I'm torn on this one. I think elephants are the sweetest, most emotional sort of animals and I love all those crazy elephant stories of mourning and grief and vengeance and everything, so I'd be pretty upset if one turned against me. I'd be all "Dude. Really, bro?" like when Ronnie and The Situation argue about the bro code.

A Love Story

Between a boy and his sandwich. I try to throw myself and my cats in the mix, but the sandwich is the real true love. Here are some of my favourite pages from the bookie-poo:

You can see the whole thing here

(you flip pages in the bottom right corner)

 

 Romance done. 

Get This!

I discovered a new form of torture last night. It's called "cycling into hail" and it turns out I'm pretty good at it. To make it extra tortuous, you just don't wear socks or a jacket and you make sure your feet are really wet. Also, go downhill really fast. It's so tortuous. I'm an evil genius.

Matte Stephens

Now, I didn't read as much of the internet as I'd like, or as I usually do, but I read my fair share this week. Here are some highlights:

Sheep Are Awesome (from Kelli/Bug Miscellany). I dare you to watch that and not want to be an extreme shepherder. I DARE you. I tried and failed. I now have a life goal.

I like this idea of washing myself with a rock. OR you could have a shower sort of inside a rocky cave and then just rub your back on it, like a bear does against trees and things. I like this hibernating thing bears do too.

I hate to think what my four icons would be, but I think they'd be somewhere along the lines of beer, tv, cat and toast. Wait. That doesn't sound so bad.

That is BAD. ASS. Having a record player in your car. Man, remember as a kid not wearing your seatbelt and crawling all over the car and everything? That couldn't fly nowadays. We're being robbed of our freedom!

And speaking of ass, it's now available in liquid form. FINALLY.

Isn't marzipan gross enough as it is?

I would love to drink this and eat this. Can someone help me does this stuff? Melissa, I'm looking at you. You can bring your whisky in a tupperware container again if you'd like.

Have I talked about Axe Cop before? I'm getting a little Axe-Cop crazy.

Later, boners!

Natural History Museum

Or the Museum of Natural History. Whichever one. The one in New York. We went there before Christmas!

I had never been there OR seen Night at the Museum, so I was extremely excited. And did you know you actually can spend a night there? Or maybe it's just for children, but you really can have a big sleepover in the museum. I would sleep in the belly of the whale. It would be cozy. And crazy!

I loved the animal exhibit setups they had. I hate the idea of taxidermy in a way, but I just ignored my own opinion for the moment and enjoyed those little dead animals in their make believe scenes, which I must say, were lacking inspiration. Lots of fields and grass and grazing going on, but was there even ONE animal flinging poop? Nope. Not one. That doesn't sound like nature to me.

Apart from that, it was really, really, really, really.... good.

Bunnies!

Look at these cutie pies. Now, no offense to babies, but I sort of think bunnies are cuter. I've never once looked at a picture of a bunny and thought "he looks kinda creepy" but I've definitely seen some babies that make me a little frightened. 

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And then there's this guy. The North Koreans want him for his meat. (Well, not just him, but a bunch of them!)

via

Get out of here! That sucker is huge. I wonder if he likes snuggling. I think he could eat my cat.Or me! Oh please let it be my cat. No wait. I don't know what I want.

I don't know why I decided to look at bunnies today. I think it's because I saw a Cadbury cream egg yesterday. That explains it.

In other news, I'm a wee bit hungover today. And it's Monday. I blame the Superbowl, but really it was the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and vodka. Also tequila, beer, pancakes, eggos and pizza. All of those things.

Miroslav Sasek

I love children's books. They're so charming and magical, and I used to love to read as a child. When I have my own child I'm gonna shove so many books down it's throat it's gonna hate me! I'll shove brussel sprouts and knowledge and good will and comedic timing down it's throat too. That's how parenting works, right? You just shove things down the kid's throat? I got it down.

So anyways, I love THESE children's books, by Miroslav Sasek. They're a delight!

 via

I think I'll write one titled "This Is Rock Bottom" or "This Is Your Emancipation Hearing". Just in case.