Monday, October 17, 2011

Two-Headed Animals

That's all I do lately is talk about animals! I guess I just sort of like animals better than people. They're furry and don't talk back. They don't yammer into their cell phones in quiet, public places or drive excessively loud motorcycles. They don't get all judgey on me when they see how much peanut butter I put on my toast. I picture a lot of animals to have personalities sort of like Mitch Hedberg - like they're goofy and high on heroin and say "ALRIIIGHT..." a lot. Laid back.

So I started looking at Two-Headed Animals. Look at how important that hyphen is in there: without it it would just mean two animals with heads, but WITH it it means animals with two heads. Punctuation is so important. It's the matter of one head or two, in this case. And heads are so important - it's where brains are!

So now that I just took ya to school with a little anatomy class there, here's some two-headed animals!

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Farm animals are the best in photographs because they're not smelly when it's just a photo. When I look at this little two-headed calf I think how come you only ever hear about things with two heads, and never anything about things with two bums? Doesn't that happen sometimes too? Surely it must! I must've been pretty close to having two bums because my bum is pretty big. I guess my DNA was like "ok you have enough bum DNA for two bums" but they forgot the splitter gene, that splits the one big bum into two regular sized bums. That is how it works scientifically. I have a microscope at home if you don't believe me.

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Hahahah... I don't care if this is real or not. I want to live there. Look at his feet! It's like ALF and the flying dog monster guy from Neverending Story as one! This llama would be cool even without a second head. At first I almost called him an emu! I think the legs through me off, they sort of seem like enormous bird legs. Also, is that a donkey or a pony? Why can't I recognize animals right now?! This is a disturbing turn of events. Can I go to the doctor and tell her about this? That's what our health care system is for right? Getting confused by the internet?

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Turtles are the funniest guys! Can you imagine these two trying to get anywhere? One head will be like "oh whoops, I forgot my leaf, let's go back" and the other will be like "I just want to get to that sugar cube over there!" I don't know what turtles eat, but who doesn't eat leaves and sugar?

3 comments:

  1. I like animals better too for the same reason! Haha. I'm pretty sure I want the turtle for my next pet. :)

    http://mandycrandell.blogspot.com/
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  2. You are hilarious! I laughed out loud more than once during this post. Your lesson on punctuation was especially appreciated :)

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  3. i want a two-headed turtle, holy shit

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