Get This!

I think I was just saved from my hangover by a doughnut. It was the most delicious rescue ever.

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 I'm slowly catching up on reading basically the entire internet, and a few things caught my eye:

Goat is the new monkey. I'm down. They're hilarious.

In a perfect world, I'd have these plates. All of them.

I also want this Edison alarm clock, but I don't know how the snooze feature would work. I'm a big fan of snoozing. I snoozed for 1.5 hours today and it's not even noon! I'm productive!

Let them chew coca!

"A study has found that studies need to find more previous studies to cite in current studies." -  The Awl

The next time someone asks you to participate in some meatball sandwich horseplay, just say no. Or it will ruin your family and two people will die.

Fried poo sticks? You had me at fried. Lost me at poo a little bit, but then got me back with sticks.

Later boners! I'm going hot springing this weekend! (I think it's Duncan's gentle way of telling me I need to bathe).

Flower Engineer

I've made a lot of poor life choices in the past, but not becoming a flower engineer probably tops them all.

 

(from Andreas Verheijen) 

Why can't my walls be flowers? I hate my life.

Hobo Speak

 

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Now if you'll excuse me, I have some learning to do. It's tough out here in the jingles.

Little Known Facts About Me

1. I don't like biting into apples. Mainly this is because I'm scared my teeth will break, since they're veneers after having smashed my face into the cement on my bike. But I also don't like biting into apples because I imagine I look horse-faced when I do. Although I also think I look horse-faced when I yawn, and I yawn all the time, because frankly, you bore me.

2. I feel like I have at least one fly in my ear holes sometimes. I hear it go "whoosh", and then I make myself look slightly retarded by pressing my ear down towards my shoulder and probably twitching a little. I'm not retarded. I just think I have a fly in my ear.

3. I don't like the whole vampire craze. I don't care about vampires. I like werewolves, because they're really just like wolves pretty much, and when I was in grade two the wolf was my favourite animal and I wrote that in my journal ten times every day about how much I loved wolves. Also, Teen Wolf was a great movie.

4. I tried to watch a video the other day about a giant centipede catching and eating a bat, but I couldn't watch all the way through, because although I thought the centipede looked sort of cute with all his legs and I know he has to eat something, I just felt really bad for the bat, because he was probably just flying around with his friends and then he gets eaten. That's a sad ending. UNLESS it was a trick title and no one gets eaten and they sort of high five eachother and then have brunch?

5. I don't like participating in things if it's not my idea. Yes, I'm a party pooper. My friend Andrew used to say something like "Did you have a big dinner?" and I'd say "Why?" and he'd say "BECAUSE YOU'RE POOPING ALL OVER THIS PARTY". Except usually they were trying to get me to agree to having a pie thrown in my face, and not like, participate in a bake sale. Boys!

Back to the Grind!

January is so stupid. I don't like it at all. But it's here and without even noticing it's even half over.

So some of you (like, maybe two) noticed that I hadn't been around for awhile. Now, sometimes when people are sort of MIA for a bit and then come back they have a big announcement to make, like they got engaged or became an astronaut or something. Not me! (Although I did lose my cat for one day and I discovered that I can tuck my jeans into my boots, which for me was a big revelation. I don't know why I didn't think I could do that before, but it just didn't seem to be a possibility for me. It makes no sense).

So I have no announcements. I was away because I was visiting Duncan's family in New York and Scotland, which was mostly pretty uneventful because of the blasted weather keeping us indoors. But it was nice. His family is nice. And get this! They're polite and respect each other! They're the type of family that you think only ever belongs in movies. But they're real people. It's fascinating.

Anyways, I hope to stop watching those stupid Kardashians long enough to do up some blog posts one of these days.