Sunday, July 18, 2010

You Are My Fave is my fave

I stole that title from the wonderful Melanie over at You Are My Fave. See, she said "efreeme is my fave", so I say it back. That's how life works. It's circular. Sure, I may have had to become a sponsor for her to endorse efreeme, but that's politics son.. that's politics.

She could very well have another website called You Are Hated By Me, and maybe efreeme will be on there next week. That's called flip flopping, and that's what Democrats do.

If I had a website called You Are Hated By Me, here's what I'd feature:

Standing ovations & encores. They're just not special anymore. They don't mean anything. I've been meaning to write to Larry David about this, because I'm pretty sure he'd have my back on this one. Here's a really great article about the Standing Ovation Problem (SOP). I will not SLEEP until this problem is solved. I will not stand for it, this SOP disaster.

Airport Security. What a joke. I can't take water through security, but an empty glass container that I can SMASH into a deadly weapon is fine. I really really want to try getting on an airplane with a packed parachute and the whole outfit and everything with goggles. Do you think that would work? I think someone should try it and let me know before I buy a parachute outfit and goggles.

Fat cats. No, not my cats that are a little rotund (BIG BONED, dammit!) I mean the fat cats on Wall Street, like the Monopoly man driving his hot rod all up and down the block, smoking a cigar and running over peasants, like ME. They all have boats and butlers and smoking jackets and then raise their children to be like Olivia Palermo from The City. Someone on that show once said something about there being two types of people: "work horses and show ponies". Umm, I think I'm a donkey. And donkeys hate fat cats. Circle of Life.

My life is pretty good considering my only problems are standing ovations, airport security and fat cats. I saw a kid today wearing a shirt that said "I've got 99 problems but my dancing isn't one of them". If my kid was wearing that shirt, I would get a shirt made that said "I've got 99 problems and my kid wearing that shirt is one of them".

11 comments:

  1. You could totally get on a plane with the parachute stuff. Last time I checked, a screwdriver was on the safe for flight list. I figure that's a good thing to take on a plane to defend myself against any terrorists because really, it's obvious that a screwdriver can be a weapon!

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  2. lol And, y'know what? I'm with you on the SOP. Some things aren't worth standing for, so sit your butts down until it's actually SPECIAL!

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  3. too funny. im really glad you were the first thing i read this morning.
    thanks for following, i look forward to reading more of your posts!

    leah

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  4. haha! I love the t-shirt saying!
    Thanks for commenting over at my blog. I checked out the efreeme.com site, really cool!

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  5. I really am enjoying reading your blog. Really funny! Keep up the great posts.

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  6. Oh man, you are such a witty writer! I love it. Can you be my fave too? These things bother me too, but the Fat Cats are the worst. It makes me ill how greedy people can be.

    And regarding the squirrels, I actually do have two cats. But they are kept inside the confines of my house. And while they stare out the glass doors at all the creatures outside, they most likely couldn't catch one if their lives depended on it. They're fat cats. ;-)

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  7. i agree with the fat cats!

    Missy
    Blending Style, Beauty and Fashion
    http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com

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  8. Oh the stupidity on the planet, don't get me started about airport sercurity, where they have let people get on planes with knitting needles, duh!

    Fat cats make my cranky (not big boned ones though :)

    Thanks for the thought provoking but very funny, as usual, blog post, keep making us smile :) T.

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  9. Now I want to start a blog called You Are Hated by Me. It would include applauding after movies and wearing vests without a shirt underneath. It would definitely not include efreeme. And that kids shirt is my fave. And how come I didn't know about your blog sooner?

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  10. Yes, a You Are Hated by Me blog would be a little fun to read, and just get all squinty and very whispery say "oooh, I HATE that!" at the computer. I can see it.

    Thought of another one: Ed Hardy

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