Grand Ole Bestiary

I found some old photos of my family online! Just kidding, they're not my family but they SHOULD BE. These guys are awesome. I guess it's obvious that we're not related because of, you know, the animal heads but I could easily have an animal head too! You don't know. (Hint: if I had an animal head, it would probably be a walrus).

But anyways, here's what I think is going through the minds of these fabulous critters (all from Retronaut):

"Dude. I am so stoned right now. I don't even know if I'm a mouse or a squirrel. Either way, we should eat some cheese. Hey, what are we looking at, bro? Is that the Titanic? Are we alive during the Titanic times? Where'd you even get those cookies? Oh god, we're in an experiment aren't we? They're experimenting on us! I am NOT hitting that button again. Oh man, I'm freaking out right now. I do NOT like this. Oh shit, are those acorns? I like your shirt. Hey, I have the same shirt!"

"I am such a horny gal!"

 "So that bitch Courtney is just playing him! You should see her, Delores! She does this annoying thing with her mouth all the time that is trying to be sexy but she's just DUMB, you know? She always brings up how she's a MODEL, you know, and none of the other girls in the house even like her, she's so bitchy I just hate her. Ugh. And you know he's going to pick her in the end. Men are so stupid."

"Come along, Finnigan, and don't give me no sass. I have to hurry back home and get that gazelle in the oven! I met the most wonderful lion cub named Simba last week and I'm cooking him dinner tonight. I think tonight is the night, Finnigan! I have the perfect Elton John song to play for our magical moment!"

I. am. bored.