Gail Armstrong Illustrations

Look at these beauties I found on the internet, at a place called IllustrationWeb. These are all done by Gail Armstrong, who obviously is very talented. She calls her technique "Paper Sculpture Illustration". I call it: "Pretty Good Stuff". Now, I'm no art critic (clearly), but I like to respond on an emotional level, in the same way I respond to panda bears and peanut butter cups. With my heart.

I think planes don't make any sense to me. How can they fly? They're so big and they can't flap their wings like birds. I don't really know how birds can fly either. I guess I don't understand flight. I'm no astronaut (clearly) or the kind of engineer that works with planes (goddamit I know there's a word to describe a plane specialist person!), but.... oh man, I don't know how to finish that sentence.

Ah, snow globes. One of my greatest regrets in life is not having a snow globe collection! Also, I wish I had worn more hats so I could have become a "hat person" and everyone says to me "you suit hats!". Wearing hats and having snow globes... that's the life I long for! My prediction for my untimely death will be: Me, My palatial estate Xanadu, and a snow globe with a hat in it, and as I die it falls out of my decrepit arthritic hands, and I whisper "chapeau...."

How cool would it be if this cardboard factory actually made cardboard? That would take a lot of cardboard to make a factory that makes a lot of cardboard! How would it not start on fire? Where would the bathrooms go? Oh man, this is a logistical nightmare.

This piece stirs up so many conflicting emotions. I loathe the wind and how it makes my ears feel funny, but I love how wind farms look and how slow the blades seem to move sometime. I like how she made these wind turbines look like they are growing from the ground like pretty blades of grass. I'd love to be a wind farmer, but I don't think that exists. Plus I live in an apartment.

I like this reindeer guy. It reminds me of that claymation movie Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, which I loved. I was always a little scared of the Abominable Snowman, but now I like him too! I feel like I've really grown up and expanded my horizons. I bet I could play E.T. on Atari now and not be scared of when the spaceship comes to get Elliot, or E.T. or whoever it was. That game made me nervous!

This paper giraffe is cool (I don't understand how that's even paper still), but one day I want to see a REAL giraffe, and do you know where I'm going to see it? Giraffe Manor in Nairobi, Kenya. I'm gonna see loads of them. And we'll have breakfast together, because that's what you do at Giraffe Manor. They peek their heads in the window and you have breakfast together. FOR REAL. I bet some of them could even play checkers maybe. Or, I could teach them. I think giraffes seem really laid back, like they could hang out in smoky jazz lounges, listen to Billie Holiday and smoke heroin or something. Is there a Disney movie that makes me think that or something? I guess that doesn't sound like Disney.

Anyways, all these retardedly awesome illustrations can be found here.