Fears

Sharks, bears, flies in my head (I think they get in through my ears and/or eyes. Honestly, I think I feel them go in or out sometimes). Sound crazy? Well, this guy thought he was crazy when he heard stuff moving around in his head, but he actually had flies in there. Well, larvae, but STILL.

And the ocean is a scary place, man. There's so many weirdo creatures in there with fangs and lights inside them, and they can blow themselves up and poison you and shoot ink at you, and even kill the CROCODILE HUNTER. They're so weird, those sea creatures. I don't trust them one bit. I really don't want to see underwater things that can actually come up and touch me. I would poop myself to pieces.

So let's review some of those wackos of the sea (all photos from National Geogprahic):

Ooh, modern lounge chairs in the sea? NOPE! Pair of stingrays. (I wonder what stingrays think about pancakes?) I have to stop thinking about pancakes.

Ah, the regal Humboldt Squid. I actually don't know if they're regal, but I'm pretty sure these guys can shoot ink from somewhere. I don't know how they make it or where it comes out of, but I wonder if that big area that looks like it would be its head is where they store their ink. Because if it was full of brains, I think they'd be smart enough to shoot something better than ink at you. Like a bullet. Evolution - you're not so hot.

Look at this googly eyed love bug! I actually kinda liked this guy until I read: "The shrimp feeds by smashing open its prey until it can feed on its tissue". How violent. And his name? Peacock Mantis Shrimp. Really, scientists? You just combine three different names of things into one? I can do that. Watch.

Tumour Flamingo Foreskin.

Ah, a pretty flower petal floating through the calm waters. NOPE. Toxic Red Flatworm. Sea creatures are so tricky. I think they'd win a war over the land animals. I'd watch THAT movie.

This one's my favourite. Are you a Snail Lettuce Log? With a doorknob in your mouth? In an underwater crystal cave? Is She-Ra with you? NOPE! It's a Nudibranch and Tunicate. Now, when I read Nudibranch in my head, it sounds like nudey branch. That seems ridiculous but so is this Nudibranch. And the blue sparkly balloon in his mouth? That's the Tunicate. I think someone dumped a bunch of acid into the ocean.

Big deal, a starfish. BUT did you know they can SELF-AMPUTATE an appendage if they are injured or under attack, and then REGENERATE a body part that's been lost. This Starfish belongs on TV, wearing a little cape for his superpower abilities. He should at least be the new spokesperson for the War Amps Play Safe campaign, to replace the creepy Astar. I never liked that robot.

Hahaha... a shark blowing bubbles. I like this shark. He looks allllright.

 

You? I fear and hate you. I don't think you even have eyeballs and I can't trust someone without eyeballs. They're the windows to the soul.