Poppy Brew: The Deep - Natural History Museuem Exhibit

Natural History Museums just seem so museumy. I love it. I mean, I've never been there personally, but I saw the trailer for "Night at the Museum", so sort of close enough. Except not really close at all.

Look at these monsters! (all from guardian.co.uk)

This guy is literally called Fangtooth. What a great name for a fish. Or me. Or a band. And guess who'd be in his band....

Guitarfish! I'm not even making this up. This photo is of a dried(?) or pickled(?) guitarfish and its wearing a fancy little rope belt tied in a knot! What you think are his eyes are actually the nostrils, so I don't even want to guess at the other body holes. It also looks like it has wings, and I'm pretty sure someone could've convinced me that it was just a really old person (if they dressed it up and took it to a pool party like "Weekend at Bernie's" style).

Japanese Giant Spider Crab. The largest crab in the world with a leg span of up to 4 metres. So that technically means they can walk over people and maybe poop on them. But Wikipedia says this crab has "a gentle disposition despite its ferocious appearance" so they probably wouldn't do, that being gentle and all. I think I'm also imagining this thing to be a hundred times larger than a 4 metre leg span, since I keep thinking about that big spider thing in Wild Wild West.

The Black Swallower. It can actually swallow fish larger than itself! That rivals my ability to drink one million beers without peeing.

The Alfonsino. His eye you see here IS actually his eye, not like Guitarfish. There's hardly any light where he lives, so his eyes are huge to allow all the possible light in. I love seeing animals adapt!

This thing is called a coelacanth, which isn't as cool sounding as the other names, but it's one of the oldest living fish in the world and is considered a living fossil. RESPECT. People had thought they were extinct 65 million years ago, but then a fisherman caught one in 1938 and then they've been popping up all over the place. I think someone once told me this is where dolphins come from. Sure, I can buy that.

This guy isn't part of the exhibit, and he doesn't live in the ocean depths of course, but he was just discovered in the "mist-shrouded Foja mountains of Indonesian New Guinea". So, Welcome, Long-Nosed Tree Frog! Pleased to meet you! Now I know where Cyril Sneer came from.